Different Dream Parenting (Guest Post)

Today I invited author Jolene Philo to share about her new book, Different Dream Parenting, because families dealing with special needs (like mine) can never have too much support and encouragement. One of my favorite lines in the book states, "Taking care of myself is not selfish. It is essential." That's just a sample of the spiritual, practical, and heart-felt wisdom Jolene placed throughout the book. I highly recommend this book, as well as A Different Dream for My Child: Meditations for Parents of Critically or Chronically Ill Children, to all families facing medical, behavioral, or educational challenges in parenting.

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When our beautiful newborn boy was transferred to a regional hospital, my husband and I felt lost at sea. A few hours later, we learned that our baby required immediate surgery at a university hospital 750 miles away. Without it, he would die. That news threw us overboard. We longed for someone who could come alongside and pull us out of the water. A book to chart a map through unfamiliar waters and assure us of God’s presence.

But our son was born in 1982 when pediatric medicine was a relatively new field. Families like ours were hard to find. Parenting books hadn’t been written. The internet didn’t exist. Over the next twenty years, even after the surgeries and medical procedures that corrected our son’s condition were over, my search for parenting resources yielded scant results. Eventually, I sensed God nudging me to come alongside young parents lost at sea like we had been, to create a map they could follow.

Different Dream Parenting: A Practical Guide to Raising a Child with Special Needs is that map. It’s a map for parents of kids living with medical special needs as well as conditions like Down Syndrome, juvenile diabetes, developmental delays, and autism, and those facing a terminal diagnosis. It guides parents by providing tools and resources they need to become effective advocates for their kids.

The book features interviews, advice, and resources from more than fifty families, including parents who adopted their children, and two dozen professionals. With their help, the book addresses the situations parents face every day. Things I wish someone had told me, like:

• Asking questions after diagnosis.
• Dealing with insurance companies.
• Preparing a child for a hospital stay.
• Accessing financial resources and government monies.
• Accessing special education services.
• Determining optimum level of care.
• Mobilizing volunteers at home.
• Supporting the sibs.
• Preparing a child for death.
• Planning a funeral.
• Participating in community and church events.
• Creating a special needs trust for adult children with special needs.

In addition to practical advice, Different Dream Parenting tackles spiritual questions families are often afraid to ask. Questions about:

• God’s sovereignty
• Parental guilt
• Setting and maintaining spiritual priorities
• Grieving for children living with special needs
• Grieving the death of a child
• Passing faith on to children with special needs

Thirty day prayer guides in the appendices are for parents too exhausted to form their own prayers.

I remember what it’s like to be lost at sea, thrown overboard by an unexpected diagnosis, and drowning under a flood of caregiving demands. My goal is to put Different Dream Parenting into the hands of floundering parents so they have a map and know they’re not alone. To order the book, visit www.DifferentDream.com and click on the “buy the book” tab.

Thanks, Michele, for this opportunity to guest blog at your website and tell people about Different Dream Parenting.

Bookworm Wednesday: The House of Hope review

As an adoptive mom, today's book selection, The House of Hope: God's love for the abandoned orphans of China by Elisabeth Gifford, focuses on a subject near and dear to my heart. It chronicles the work of Robin and Joyce Hill who have cared for over 1,000 medically needy orphans to date in China. Here's why I enjoyed and endorse this book.

Many people recognize needs. A rare few actually roll up their sleeves and provide a solution. Robin and Joyce Hill are definitely the latter. They didn't embark on a China adventure hoping to save the world. Instead, while living in China on a work assignment, they saw children needing love and care. Soon they felt called to help the ones they could. They quote the starfish story to illustrate their vision:

Hundreds of stranded starfish were dying along a beach, and an old man was slowly throwing them back into the sea one by one. Someone came along and pointed out that his task was hopeless and told him, "It won't make any difference, there are too many for you to save them." But the old man held up a starfish and said, "It makes a difference to this one," and then threw it back in the sea. [pg. 20]

The author continues, "It is impossible to meet the Hills and hear their story without asking questions about how you live your own life." And that's exactly how I felt reading this book. If the Hills could go from offering one orphan a cot in their dining room to providing surgeries, medical care, foster homes, and sometimes even adoptive families to sick and abandoned children in China, surely we can all pitch in to make a difference in our own little corners of the world.

The book is filled with scripture, stories, and color photos around the Hill's work at Hope Foster Home and a partnership with Steven Curtis Chapman's ministry, Show Hope and Maria's Big House of Hope (named after the Chapman's deceased daughter.) It's inspiring, uplifting, and empowering. Plus -100% OF THE PROCEEDS OF THIS BOOK GO TO FUND THE WORK AT HOPE FOSTER HOME.

Buy the book here.

The publisher is sponsoring a $50 "GET / GIVE" GIVEAWAY: One winner will receive a $50 Amazon.com gift certificate for themselves AND $50 will be given in the winner's name to Hope Foster Home. To enter all you have to do is send a tweet (using #HFH) about The House of Hope or share about it on Facebook! [If you tweet we'll capture your entry when you use #HFH. If you share it on Facebook or your blog, just email them and let them know (ckrumm@litfusegroup.com) so they can mark your entry.)

Not sure what to tweet/post? Here's an idea:

TWEET THIS: Couple gives all to rescue babies in China! 100% proceeds go to #HopeFosterHome http://ow.ly/7qR3e RT 4 $50 to @amazon & $50 to #HFH

FACEBOOK THIS: The House of Hope: One couple abandons a comfortable life to rescue abandoned children. Robin and Joyce Hill have helped over 1300 Chinese orphans with severe medical problems. Purchase a copy for everyone you know - the book is a gift that gives a gift. 100% proceeds to help support the work at Hope Foster Home! Learn more here: http://litfusegroup.com/blogtours/text/13438821 Share this for a chance to get a $50 Amazon.com GC and $50 in your name to Hope Foster Home! Click For Details.

About The House of Hope: One couple’s powerful ministry to some of China’s most vulnerable children

Robin and Joyce Hill lived in a gated community in Beijing. Their family’s life was marked by luxury and the security of Robin's job as an engineer. Then one day, as members of their church, they had a chance to tour a state-run orphanage. Haunted by the needs of the children they saw there, for the next four years they tried to help the institute in meaningful ways.

In 1998 the Hills planned to leave China, but instead felt a sudden call from God on their lives. They left their gated community--reserved for only non-Chinese residents--moved their family into a small apartment miles outside of Beijing and immediately began to take in foster children.

They took in any child, but especially those that needed extra care—terminally ill children that couldn't receive care elsewhere, and those that needed complicated and expensive surgeries that the Hills soon began to coordinate and sometimes pay for out of their own savings.

What began as Hope Foster Home is now New Hope Foundation. As they continue their work, the Hills enjoy support from major corporations and high-profile philanthropists as well as the trust of the Chinese authorities. The Hills' story is an inspiring example of God's care and provision for those whom society does not value. Learn more about Hope Foster Homes here: http://www.hopefosterhome.com.

"I strongly support Robin and Joyce Hill's New Hope Foundation which is saving so many orphan lives in China. Read this amazing story of God's grace and accept the challenge to make a difference!"

--Steven Curtis Chapman

"I had the privilege of going to China and witnessing the work that God is doing through Robin and Joyce Hill. They are wonderful servants of God who lovingly care for the 'least of these.' I hope that many will read this book and consider their example."

--Francis Chan, author of Crazy Love

About Elisabeth Gifford: Elisabeth Gifford is a journalist who has written for the London Times and the Independent Newspapers. She lives in Kingston, England, and teaches children with dyslexia.

Disclosure: I was given a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for posting a review on my blog. This blog tour is managed by Litfuse Publicity Group.

Guest Posting at Don't Let Life Pass You By: What Are You Doing With Your Joyfear?

What Are You Doing With Your Joyfear?
Embarking on anything new can be exciting and downright scary. It's easy to recognize the feeling, like climbing the hill of a roller coaster.

'This might be fun.'

'No, it's a little scary.'

'But it's exhilarating!'

'No, it's really scary!'

I finally have a word for this feeling, thanks to fellow author and blogger Leo Babauta. It's called Joyfear... [read more]

Bookworm Wednesday: The Art of Helping by Lauren Briggs

Today's Bookworm Wednesday post features an interview with author Lauren Briggs about her book The Art of Helping—What to Say and Do When Someone is Hurting. I'm excited to share about it since I've already referenced it several times in my personal life and for our church's women's ministry.

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All of us want to offer comfort and support to someone who is hurting, but we often don’t know what to say or do. The Art of Helping—What to Say and Do When Someone is Hurting addresses 30 of the most common heartaches people face and takes away your fear of involvement by helping you understand what people are feeling and going through. From over 100 interviews and her own life experiences, author Lauren Briggs shares proven advice and offers practical help with a list of what to say— and do.


Why should I read The Art of Helping?
Do you know someone who is facing a crisis and wondered what you could do to help?  Have you ever faced a difficult time and wished your family and friends knew what you were going through and knew how to help you?

I found that during my darkest hours, no one knew how much I was hurting, what I was going through or how they might help.

This is a book you’ll want to read before you need it—so that you will have ideas of what you can do and how you can respond—when you first hear the news. We want to help our family and friends through the hard times, but the right words or actions just don’t come to mind. The Art of Helping will give you the tools and enable you to turn thoughts into action.

How will The Art of Helping change me?
The Art of Helping is your go to book when life gets tough. It is a social Bible filled with concrete, tangible action items to empower you to make a difference at times when we would otherwise feel helpless. When people get this book in their hands, they always say, “How I wish I had this book when my friend needed help.”

What are some basic Do’s and Don’ts I need to know?

DON’T wait before you make contact.
DO Respond as soon as you hear the news.

DON’T SAY “If there’s anything you need, give me a call.”
DO Offer a specific thing you can do.

DON’T put pressure on yourself to do something you don’t like to do.
DO use your gifts and talents to help.

DON’T minimize what they are going through.
DO offer caring statements of acknowledgement.

DON’T ASK “When will you be your old self again? or Aren’t you over it yet?”
DO understand that once their life is touched by tragedy, they will never be their “old self” again. They will eventually reach a “new normal” but life will never be the same.

What are some of your favorite creative suggestions in The Art of Helping?

• A mother of two young children picked up a hurting family’s laundry on Mondays, took it home and returned it all laundered and folded on Thursdays.  
• A man volunteered to come mow the lawn once a week and do some simple “honey do” chores. 
• My sons brought their game boy to the hospital for a friend going through chemo therapy. Every few days they would bring a different game to swap.

How can I learn more about The Art of Helping?

The Art of Helping is reshaping the way people reach out to others. To view more information, visit my website: www.laurenbriggs.com. You can follow me on Facebook as Lauren Littauer Briggs and on Twitter as @Laurenbrgs. The Art of Helping is available in e-book and paperback formats through Amazon.com. If you would like an autographed copy of The Art of Helping, email me at Laurenbrgs@aol.com.



Disclosure: I was given a complimentary copy of this book from the author in exchange for posting the author’s interview on my blog. This blog tour is managed by Christian Speakers Services (ChristianSpeakersServices.com).

Oh, Duggars! Meeting the Duggars & *Signed* Book Giveaway

It was a meeting of the Micheles as I stood before Michelle Duggar and her beautiful family at the International Christian Retail Show this past July. A pretty ironic scene for this infertile, only child and adoptive mom of one. Michelle was sweet and gracious when I explained our differences - and my admiration for her as the heart of her large family. We talked about our name (she had just discovered her birth certificate has one "L" not two.) And she told me about their friends who had adopted. Michelle Duggar and I couldn't be more different, especially with their recent announcement of expecting number TWENTY!  But looking back now, I see two women of God filled with love, joy, peace, and a passion for our unique callings.

I read through my signed (ahem) copy of A Love That Multiplies: An Up-Close View of How They Make it Work with interest as well as skepticism. How do two fruitful and multiplied people feed, clothe, and nurture 19 children, now including one with special needs? The world may never really know or understand. But here are a few highlights from the book:

• They recognize the pros and cons of being famous, but all in all they consider the show a family ministry.
• Their goals for their children include: keeping a close relationship with God, listening to His still small voice, confessing mistakes, serving others, and expressing gratitude.
• Michelle wrote, "It is exhausting being a mom, whether you have one child or nineteen." [Thanks for the nod in my direction :) ] "Long ago I realized I simply couldn't do it on my own... Lord, You must have the wrong person here! I silently prayed. I simply can't do this. I'm not capable; I feel so overwhelmed and inadequate. I'm so grateful for these precious gifts You've given me, but, Father, I need Your help!"
• There are recipes, photos, and tips throughout, but my favorite chapter was the one on Daily Training, Tips, and Practicalities (13).

I guess the Duggars aren't the only ones multiplying because I have *two* signed copies of their book, one to keep and one to give away! To enter, sign up for my newsletter by 11:59 PM EST Thursday November 17. Winner will be chosen at random and notified on Friday.

First Ever Infertelevision Awards

No matter how hard we try, we no/low-fertile chicks get reminded about our situations often, including on television. Shows like Teen Mom, A Baby Story, and Nineteen Kids and Counting can add salt to already aching wounds. [And no disrespect to any of these shows... I've personally met the Duggars. Michelle is a beautiful woman with a beautiful family.] But when you're longing for children and struggling to grow your own family, it's difficult to celebrate everyone else's blessings.

This week, after watching the season premiere of Sister Wives where Robyn announces her pregnancy, I realized there are times when shows handle infertility with sensitivity and grace. So I've decided to give out the first ever "Mommy Forward Infertelevision Awards" to two shows I'm proud to watch as an infertile girl. And the awards go to:

Sister Wives - For Sensitivity in Announcing a Pregnancy:
Robyn shares her pregnancy news with Meri (secondary infertility) before announcing it to the rest of the family. Meri is excited for Robyn and explains that her difficulties in the past have not been about the wives' joy but her (and daughter Mariah's) loss. Kody, Robyn, Meri, and even teen Mariah showed real emotion and sensitivity in dealing with a new pregnancy in the midst of another woman's infertility.


and

Giuliana and Bill - For Real-Life Coverage of an Infertile Couple:
Giuliana and Bill have been very open about their trials and tribulations around growing their family. We've watched consultations, treatment cycles, disappointments, and their decision to enjoy a TTC-free "Year of Fun", all while juggling work, family, and home life. Giuliana and Bill's example proves couples can and should continue living full lives despite a difficult road to parenthood.



Would you like to nominate a show for future Infertelevision Awards? Please leave the show's name and your reason, or any other comments, below. Thanks!


TV Image: Idea go / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

With Minimum Flair

(If you're visiting from ICLW, welcome! Here's a little background about me.)

Have you ever seen the movie Office Space? Once you get past some foul language, it's a hilariously funny movie that my husband and I watch and quote often. In the scene below, Joanna (played by Jennifer Aniston) gets a lecture on wearing the minimum pieces of flair.

Flair Minimum
Office Space — MOVIECLIPS.com

It's been a rare, minimum-flair kind of week (hence the Office Space connection.) It started with a cold (or possibly allergies) on Sunday. We stayed home from church and small group, opting for extra sleep instead. The days that followed included light housework, the new Facebook layout, and a few thrift stores. I even caught 1/2 an episode of Dr. Phil.

Normally I'd sound like Joanna, "So more then?" But considering my normal weeks, I enjoyed expressing myself with only the minimum for a change.

Image: Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

My Beautiful Mess (Women of Faith 2011 Review)

I'm calling my Women of Faith experience my beautiful mess because nothing went as planned, not even this blog post. 


I booked my hotel, invited a friend, and geared up for an uplifting girls' weekend. Then things started to unravel. My friend had to back out. So I cancelled the hotel and decided it was safest to attend only the Friday day sessions alone. I was a little bummed, but still anticipated whatever God had in store.


I pulled into the parking lot and entered the Wells Fargo Center. Worship had started, but I took the next few minutes to browse the book tables and use the restroom. Back on the concourse, I nearly jumped when I ran into my friend Diane. Now I had someone to sit with! (The Friday day portion was general seating.)

I settled in with Diane and company, excited to hear Sheila Walsh, one of my all-time favorite speakers. I credit Sheila's book Honestly (on her experience with mental illness) as the catalyst for seeking counseling for my own struggles. Whenever Sheila teaches insights on God's truth, it feels like hugs shared over tea and crumpets around her kitchen table. She talked about how unanswered prayers mean God has a bigger miracle in store than the one we've asked for. She reminded us of God's promises and the bleeding woman Jesus instructed to "go in peace." This challenged me on the lack of peace during our hurried mornings to get to the bus stop.


Soon Dr. Henry Cloud took the stage. He had a warm delivery and a great message as well. His first session focused on happiness. Research shows that happy people are givers (with joy and boundaries); are connected; and have "stretch" goals (that push us out of our comfort zone.) He believes this mainstream research points to things God outlines for us in His word. Too often we hear 3-point sermons: God's good. You're bad. Try harder. But Scripture tells us that Jesus came to seek and save the lost. He wants to heal us. And He wants us to imagine.

In his afternoon session, Dr. Cloud focused on necessary endings. This was hard (he warned us it would be,) but it was exactly what I needed to hear. Ecclesiastes talks about beginnings and endings. Even good things have seasons. Sometimes God calls us out of something (like a job, church, and friendships in my case) to something new. Dr. Cloud challenged us to consider what needs to end in our lives (isolation? an impossible-to-please person or church? temporary satisfactions that can never fulfill?) Refusing to look to those things or even ourselves - and having a real connection with God - will give us a life greater than we ever imagined.

Another bonus of my beautiful mess was making new friends with ladies from Diane's church. We talked about caring for aging parents, caring for our children, and the unique callings God has for our lives.

In the end, spending time with an old friend, making new friends, and hearing good, applicable teaching made my Women of Faith experience greater than I ever imagined, too. I would take God's beautiful mess over my best laid plans any day!

Women of Faith is a faith-based women's organization encouraging women of all ages and stages in life to grow in faith and spiritual maturity through a relationship with Jesus Christ and an understanding of God’s love and grace. For more information, visit womenoffaith.com.

Disclaimer: BookSneeze / Women of Faith provided two free tickets in exchange for my social media coverage and promotion of this event, although the views expressed are strictly my own. 

Book review: Amish Values for Your Family

"What does a teacher do with thirty-six 'You're #1!' stickers?" That's the question one Amish teacher posed in Suzanne Woods Fisher's new book, Amish Values for Your Family: What We Can Learn from the Simple Life. While we like children to feel special, the Amish would rather emphasize God's unconditional love over temporary admiration. Contrast this with our efforts to elevate all children (such as "Everyone's a winner" team sports) hoping to avoid hurt feelings and low self-esteem. Now, with the help of this book, we can learn from the Amish's deep-rooted values that have stood the test of time.

In the same chapter, Fisher highlighted the sense of community surrounding the Amish schoolhouse. Pupils learn to be team players with their classmates as well as with their parents. The one-room school reinforces the values, relationships, and culture that separate Amish children from the outside world, our world.

Along those lines, the author challenges us to get involved in our children's education. Boy, does this hit home. While I'm involved in our son's education (and PTO to some degree), I try to stay clear of the classroom. I pride myself on being a "send-in" mom who would rather donate items than work directly with the children. A few days ago at back-to-school night, our son's new teacher mentioned classroom volunteers. Our son leaned over to say "Maybe you should do that". Normally I would dismiss it, but this book has me thinking. Perhaps our son's desire to interact with me in the classroom trumps the uncomfortable feeling and lack of skills I might exhibit. And if this isn't the time to build those relationships, then when?

Suzanne has a great admiration for the Plain people and believes they provide wonderful examples to the world. In both her fiction and non-fiction books, she has an underlying theme: You don't have to "go Amish" to incorporate many of their principles--simplicity, living with less, appreciating nature, forgiving others more readily-- into your life. If you are looking for a back-to-basics, simple approach to a meaningful life, I highly recommend Amish Values for Your Family.

To celebrate the release of Amish Values for Your Family, Suzanne has teamed up with her publisher Revell Books to give away a Kindle, and with Bill Coleman (the amazing photographer used on Suzanne’s book covers) to give away a signed Bill Coleman original.

One Grand Prize winner will receive an Amish Values Prize Package (valued at over $200) and includes:

* A brand new KINDLE

* A Signed Bill Coleman original

* Amish Values for Your Family (for KINDLE)

Click on one of the icons to enter. Winner will be announced on 9/2 at Suzanne’s blog. Be sure to stop by the blogs on Suzanne’s blog tour – many have copies of Amish Values for Your Family to give away.

But, wait there's more! Suzanne is running a Bill Coleman caption contest during the month of August on her blog. Title one of Bill’s gorgeous photos for a chance to win a print from Bill’s Amish Photo site and/or a copy of Amish Values for Your Family.

Suzanne can be found on-line at: www.suzannewoodsfisher.com.

Disclaimer: I received a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for posting a review on my blog. For more information on this book tour and its sponsor, visit litfusegroup.com/blogtours/text/13421895.

Gotta Tell Ya Tuesday: Mabel's Labels

I've always been a stationary girl: paper, pens, stickers... So given the opportunity to try The Ultimate Back-to-School Combo set of personalized labels from Mabel's Labels, my fingers couldn't type fast enough (You should have seen me ripping open the package when they arrived!)

The kit contains waterproof labels and tags to keep our son's stuff out of the lost and found bins. I wish I had bought them for his preschool years, but I'm finding tons of uses for them as he enters 2nd grade, too. For example, I love to find thrift and consignment store bargains. Often they have another child's name written in permanent marker. Not a problem this year! Mabel's Labels made it easy for me to switch this sweatshirt to our son's name instead.

I wholeheartedly agree with The View's Elisabeth Hasselbeck when she said, "I could not live without these labels." Take a minute to browse their website at www.mabelslabels.com or call 1.866.30.MABEL to order a set for your family.


Mabel's Labels provided me with a complimentary set of labels in exchange for this review.